Me and Dog Blog

Today has absolutely been horrid. This whole week had just been bad for me. I have been in such a crap mood and just feeling miserable and had bad luck. Monday my sandle breaks, Tuesday the ink in my NYY pen runs out, Wed I was in a pissy mood and upset one of my friends and today I have a swollen wrist and had to go to the doctor on workmens compensation and now I have tendonitus. Fuck. Since 7 this morning when my alarm went off I have either wanted to cry, been holding back tears or crying. The only 'good' part is that I didn't cry at work today although I could have. I was able to hold back until I got in my jeep to go home. I did leave 45 mins early so maybe it doesn't count.

So I have another permanent injury from my job. And its a job I don't even like. I know...I have to stop that bitch because I'm the only one who can get me a new job and get out of the workplace from hell. I just feel like I'm kicked down so much there. Anyway....

I have 3 friends on my life who I truly care about and would do anything for. I have had people come in andb out of my life at different times but right now I have 3 that I care about so much sometimes it hurts. And I don't want to lose these 3 ever. And now I have hurt one of them. I should have known...I always fuck things up...it just seems to be what I do.

I have no idea how I have stayed friends with Bethie for so long, best friends even. I guess its because when we fight its big and teary and then we get over it with a yummy meal. It works for us, has for a long time so far. I am so lucky to have her for support, advice and a kick in the ass when I need it. And Evan is my best guy friend, I can ask him the "man" questions I have and he's doesn't hold back with me. He also is protective and encouraging and knows me almost too well. And I tell the poor guy _everything_.

And then I have my friend who I insulted. I don't know what to say to him except I am sorry and I hope he forgives me.

I was told last week that I'm a "discustingly" nice person. It wasn't a compliment. But am I as nice as I seem to be. I thnk I am nice. I say I am nice. But I don't really know that I am. I guess you'd have to answer that for me.

When I started blogging I promised myself I wouldn't make it emotional and mushy and all lovey-dovey. I guess this post today kind of breaks that promise but my mind has been racing all day and after crying in my jeep so hard I couldn't see and then walking Laurey for 3.5 miles and crying the whole time and then coming home to an emply house with no messages on my amswering machine again, I just had to type more then my usual day crap. Forgive me. L, E