Thursday, August 31, 2006
Made it through the first of my new classes
I pretty much slept all morning and then most of the afternoon...was just groggy and couldn't wake up. Laurey and I did take a shorter then I had planned walk but it was good to stretch our legs and it was beautiful out, nice and just cool enough. I was freezing in class, need to remember to bring a sweatshirt with me from now on. I was cold last night too sitting in my livingroom but that is because I had the sliding door open, I like the fresh air. I slept much more bundled up last night then I have in a long time. I like the fall weather coming, I've been wearing jeans and can't wait to wear my sweaters and Ugg boots again. L, E
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
I had my first fall semester call that night and that went well I think. Just had to listen to the teacher chit-chat and then we watched a very old Law and Order episode so that was fun. We were out nice and early. I have to park my jeep at my parents house and walk like 3 blocks/10 minutes to campus because I can't afford a parking pass and there is almost no parking on campus anyway. I did order a free pass so I can park there after 4 during the week and all weekends, just waiting for it to come in the mail. I had brough Laurey to my parents house while I went to class and when I got back to get her and my jeep I found her exhausted. My parents had taken her for a long walk so that was nice of them and good for her.
Today I relaxed and napped in the morning and then went to my parents around 1:30 and then my mom and I walked the dogs down to school since I needed to buy 1 more book for school at the bookstore. The book wasn't in stock yet so we walked back around the long way. My parents dog Tripper is so cute but stops to sniff EVERYTHING so walking isn't as healthy as it could be but it was warm so it was nice to have the breaks. Then I went home and did some laundry and had a little nap.
My dad called just before 4 and then came over and picked me up and we went to the Champlain Velley Fair. My dad and I always go together, its one of our few traditions and I am really happy we went again this year. We just walked around and looked at all the animals and booths and people. This year for a 'special treat' he spent $10 for tickets so we could ride the Dutch FerrisWheel. Its big and goes up and around. Most people would think its tame and kinda lame. Well I'm quite scared of heights and the first time around, when it kept stopping to let people on and off was not fun for me but by the 3rd time around I relaxed enough to check out the view and it was beautiful. We could see for miles around and even though the machine was making creeking sounds, it was safe. Definately would have been better with a nice date/boyfriend to cuddle up with on but it was good for me to go and my dad had a good laugh watching me in my white knuckle terror.
I also did a little shopping at Xmas Trees yesterday and I bought a new 3 wick candle and I've been burning it since then and it smells yummy. I love candles. I'm going to burn them a lot more. They make my house smell good and cheer me up even when I don't need cheering up...:) I have 2 classes tomorrow right in a row and Laurey and I are going to walk and then I'm going to stick my nose in my school books! I hope you are having a good week! L, E
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Your support means so much to me!
Work was LONG and crazy busy! I was paged to the front at 10:55, before I was even punched in and before I was scheduled but the lines were long so they needed us on ASAP. I was flying too! Last week I was the #7 cashier, woohoo! Really that just means that I was the 7 fastest but I was psyched. So I'm thinking I should be on that list again for this week. I'd like to stay in the top 10. They keep on me register since I'm good with the people and quick and personable and my drawer is almost always perfect. Its a good gig there.
So I have a doc appoitment tomorrow at 9:15, early! And then school at 5:30 but I want to go in early to get my student ID and stuff. Back to school! Woohoo!! I hope you all have a good week! L, E
Saturday, August 26, 2006
3 good days and now WTF
Then I picked up chinese on the way home but had a message waiting for me on my machine. Swichi. Someone called and reported his snakes living in his dorm and they were taken away by security. He heard that someone from my work called since aparently I had said that I wanted someone to do it. Now he won't answer his phone. Oh yes, and he said he's not giving me the money he owes me too.
I have NO idea what happened! I know I said that I had a friends snakes living with me and that they have moved out but I only told like 2 or 3 people and I know I made some bitchy comments about helping a friend move and now he's not talking to me and that he was the one who'se snakes had been staying with me. But I never said his name or where he goes to school or lives! NEVER! And I'm not vengeful...I wouldn't have called security or asked someone else to! I don't even think very many people at work know I go to Champlain College anyway and I don't know anyone there who goes there too. So I have no idea what happened. But I guess he hates me now....
Anyway...I don't know WTF is going on and I'm quite frustrated that he is blaming me and not answering his phone when I call. My weekend was going good.... L, E
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Talking on IM
That is so true. I need to find me again. The fucked up part is that I was working to find me when I met him and then I just dumped me to follow along behind him. That was my choice and it is what I always do. I have always said its 'just part of me' how I give everything I have and everything I am and then just end up alone because I'm too annoying. I just never thought giving could be annoying to people, men. But I guess it is. I was told by another friend that he doesn't come over because when he did, I would offer him drinks, popcorn, cookies and he didn't like it. I just thought I was being a good hostess, its what I was trained to do by my parents/family. But he is right, I can be too much.
So I need to find me again. And I do know where to start. I'm going to find my routine and live it. I'm going to walk Laurey and not put that off or not do it because of a friend, no matter who the friend is. Yes, I am so scared of not just dying alone, but being alone for the years and years I will be alive before I die. But if I am alone, I should at least be able to be with myself. I think walking will be a good start. And not just walking down the road from my house, we'll go to the waterfront and the dogpark and walk the nature trail. I'm going to organize all my bills and actually pay on them and get my head out from the money troubles I have put myself in. And I'm going to start eating better...no BK or pizza, lots of veggies instead.
So that is my challenge now. I think I will find me again and quickly since I know I am just benieth the surface I have put up. I will find my smile and my funny and my laugh that I haven't had around people for awile. And then people if people don't want to be around me that it is their issue, not mine. L, E
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
"A HARD MIKE'S IS GOOD TO FIND"
Oh, I should say...I'm not talking about Swichi here. Not at all. He's 19. He's so young. He is not what I need for a boyfriend. There would be no future and we aren't compatable anyway. I am not going to say who I am talking about. I will say this...he is amazing. And I know if he would give me a chance we could be happy and together. *sigh*
Ok...Swichi. I haven't heard from him but he's at work so I didn't expect to. I don't know what I should do. I suppose to could email him. I expect he'll read it but he won't email back, he doesn't to anyone. And what do I say? I'm sorry you called me a bitch. I was hurt that you ignored me for 20+ minutes while you talked on your cellphone again. I know you think you didn't do anything wrong and that I am hurt/upset for no reason but I feel you did hurt me and ignore me. *sigh* I guess I should give it a few days. Maybe he'll miss me....
I'm on my third Mike's Hard and I can't tell if I'm drunk or not or what. I guess I'll just keep drinking until I'm out or I'm on the floor. Have a good night. L, E
I don't even know
We went to his place and he made himself hotdogs, didn't ask me if I wanted any, and we watched a movie and he told me how a friend of his was reading my blog and asking him questions about me and him and stuff. So Hi Erica.... And then he decided he wanted to go downtown to look around before his work and started looking for his messenger bag. It was no where to be found so I asked him if he had taken it with him to the grocery yesterday when he took a taxi home and he instantly realized that he had left it in the back of the cab. He calls them up and they said its not there. We get into my jeep, with his bike in the back, and he calls the taxi company again and they still say they don't have it. He hangs up and is cursing and slamming his hand on the window and door...this is also after he slammed the car door when he got in. I drive to the taxi company office and he goes inside, comes back out a few minutes later, empty handed, and slams the door again. I park in the packing garage and just as we are about to get out his phone rings. He talks on it while we walk through the mall, he talks on it as we walk around the Home Port store. He talks and talks and ignores me for 20 minutes. I almost just left, I should have. Finally I walk over to him, he's been wandering around not paying any attention to me this whole time, and ask him if he'll be on his phone for a long time and he shrugs. I just couldn't take it anymore.... So I left. He yelled at me telling me to wait but I didn't. So he runs after me and calls me a bitch and something else that I couldn't hear. He storms to my car and takes his bike out and slams the tailgate down and walks off. He didn't hug me. He always hugs me.
So I guess its over. I don't expect to hear from him. And I don't know what more I can do. I just couldn't sit there and walk behind him while he talks on his phone anymore. I have to deserve his attention when we were together. Bethie and I have had this exact same problem before...I just can't walk behind someone while they are talking and talking on their cellphone, ignoring me. I just think it is wrong. I have been so unhappy this past week, more then usual...I don't exactly know why and I know I haven't been easy for him to be around but I just wish he could love me for who I am, not just because I spend all my money on him and drive him around and do his schoolwork for him. Why can't he love me? Why can't anyone love me?
I'm crying...I thought I'd tell you in case you didn't know already. I guess once again I gave too much and lost the person I love and care about. And he wasn't even my boyfriend...just my friend. I wonder if I'll ever hear from him again.... I have to go, late for dinner at mt parents house with my dad. I'll write more later. L, E
Saturday, August 19, 2006
The snakes have moved out
This morning, 9:15 the phone rings. Its little Swichi and he needs help. His friend was 'called into work' and he has made 1 trip but have the truck full and then 1 more trip after that. So he picks me up just after 10. We go to his new apartment place and unload all his stuff into the hallway and then down to his place. Its cute! Brand new and tiny but its a double so he's lucky, most are quads. The bedrooms are miniscule but we rearrange it and it will work. Then we go back to his dorm to get the rest of his crap, stoping by a yardsale on the way for him to buy a ton of tupperware for $3, good deal. Then we walk into his room....it is TRASHED! Junk everywhere! Nothing packed in boxes or bags. All his clothes are still in the dresser. And pistachios all over the floor.
So I basicly stuff his clothes and wires and papers and everything into trash bags and he piles things up for me to put into bags. It takes us an hour or so but his room was emptied of all his stuff. But we left the pistachios all over the floor.... The truck is packed again but he stuffs his bike on top of the bags. We g o back to his new place and cook a pizza and cheese sticks in his new oven. I try to organize things a little so there is room to bring everything else in but he bitches that I am "throwing" his bags and "not pulling things in the right place" so I stop and cuddle under his sleeping bag since its chilly in there and I'm sleepy. Finally he pulls himself away from the lame Jackie Chan movie he's watching on his new cable and we unload the truck for the last time. I still can not believe he had all the junk in his dorm room...I have no idea where it all was!
Then we went to Walmart and he picked up a blender. We went to Xmas Trees and he got dish towels, dishes, silverware, cups, showerhead, baking sheets, pans and a floor lamp. Then we went back to Walmart and he got a few more things, including a Brita. Then we came to my house and he took his snakes.... I have to say I really am sorry to see Bojie and Izza go away. I liked having them around and their cage was pretty and they were so cute when they cuddled up together. But it is nice to have my kitchen table back too. And then he left.
I took a shower since I was grubby and Laurey and I did a quick grocery run since I needed brown sugar and food for lunch tomorrow. Then I baked 2 batches of cookies...they are for Swichi to serve at his poker party he's having tomorrow night...and now Laurey and I are just relaxing. I need to do 1 more hot compress on my booboo and then I am snuggling into bed and sleeping! I work 9-5:30 tomorrow and I picked up some more hours for the week since its between school semesters. So I hope you are having a nice weekend and continue to! Thanks for all the "healing" wishes from everyone!!:) L, E
Thursday, August 17, 2006
The cyst heard 'round the world
I had asked at Xmas Trees to work 30+ hours next week since I don't have school but they gave me my usual 16 hours so I have plenty of free time to heal up. I emailed to my mom that I'd like to g o down to her camp (lake house) for a day since I have only been there once this summer. And I'd like to let Laurey swim and we could go for a long walk. And I could hang out in my hammock...LOVE that!:) So we'll see if she'll let me go down or not....I'll let you know.
So I hope you all are good. Bethie and Kargurra are back from India and that was a huge relief! I called them tonight but no answer so hopefully they'll call me back. I want to hear all about their trip!
So I hope everyone is enjoying the end of the summer! Falling leaves and then snow will be here sooner then you think! L, E
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Registration and Ooopsie!
LAW 130: Civil & Criminal Litigation I: Introduces students to terminology, court structure, comparison of civil and criminal law, and the law of evidence. Students will learn about the sources of the law, remedies under the law, client contracts, interviewing, investigation, and evaluating claims. Prepares students to work with clients and presents an overview of nature and extent of liability and defenses.
LAW 120: Fundamentals of Legal Research: Orients students to law libraries and a variety of legal publications, treatises and other legal writings encountered in the day-to-day practice of law. Emphasizes developing the capability to analyze, interpret and communicate facts, ideas and law through comprehension of legal-research techniques.
HIS 313: Modern American Social History: Students will study important themes in the social history of the United States since the Civil War. This course allows students to expand their critical thinking skills through an examination of primary and secondary sources. Themes might include: the evolving status of women; the immigrant experience; the concept of the American dream; the paradox of freedom vs. slavery; the minority experience; the tensions between social classes.
ECN 210: Macroeconomics: A general survey course that covers theories and applications of macroeconomics. Business firms, international economics, labor and government are included. Also examines monetary policy, taxes, public finances, economic output and growth, and international trade in the world economy.
Should be lot of work but lots of learning too and I like learning!
So I slept over at Swichi's room last night. Just sleep...don't worry! His bed is crazy uncomfortable since he pushed two twin beds together but lay the mattresses the other way across the beds. So your ass falls in the crack between them. His alarm went off and he turned it off but went right back to sleep and wouldn't wake up. So I went to leave but my jeep wasn't in the parking lot where I had left it. It had been towed to a different parking lot because they are doing some paving but they hadn't notified anyone not to park there. Anyway...I was annoyed but no harm.
So I went into work at 5 so I could do some shopping to get a wedding present for Evan and Alison (their wedding is this Saturday!) and found out that I was suppose to have been there at 2:30! I thought I was working 5:30-9:30 like usual but I was on the schedule 2:30-7:30. Ooops! I felt like an ass. I wish they had called me, I was at home and could have come in. Oh well. I did some cashier-ing but mostly did recovery which didn't do so well since I just don't really care and since I'm paid $8 per hour I'm not paid enough to care.
So I'm sitting on my sofa right now with my cherry ICEE (Love them!) and watching Big Brother: All Stars which is totally my guilty pleasure...:) Laurey is staring at me. We didn't walk today and should have but we did 3.5 miles the past two days and I am working really hard to be walking her everyday. Ok...have a good night everyone! L, E
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
two white mice
Sunday I worked 11-7:30 and was exhausted and hurting when I got home. Hurting more then just my legs and feets. I managed to jam my middle right hand finger really badly and its all swollen and really ouchie. Oh well. I had to do recovery which is straightening up the shelves and putting back things that people put back in the very wrong spot. I'll never understand why, when someone changes their mind or isn't going to buy something...they stuff it behind something else or just leave it.... You don't need to put it back but just give it to someone who works there and then they can get it back on the shelf in the right place. Anyway....
Yesterday I put my last $6 into the gas tank of my jeep, was just over 2 gallons. Swichi said he should be able to pay me back on Wed and I really hope he does, I really need $$! He feed his snakes and they are getting so big and fat. We also bought another mouse for Lola to have a boyfriend. We compromised on the name Lucas. After George Lucas, the movie mogual. I wanted to name him Anakin or Hayden but he said NO. Then I suggested Harrison, Wesley, Han and a few others but all very voted down. So now I have Laurey, Lola and Lucas...:) I can't complain too much, I got my Star Wars fix in there.
Swichi bought the DVD V for Vendetta and he wanted it last night, I made it through about 45 minutes maybe of it. We started the movie after 11:30 and I was already sleepy. I guess I was snoring because after the movie, Swichi turned on the bathroom light and since I was right next to the bathroom on the bed, I jumped and kinda woke up...scared me...and he said something that I was snoring really loud, at least I think thats what he said. I got up a few minutes later and drove home which wasn't very smart since I was not very wide awake and whenever I yawned my eyes would close and not open right away again but I made it. Gave Laurey her dogfood dinner and was curled up in my bed nice and quick.
Its just after 10am on Tuesday and I need to get going on the day! Oh! Swichi got his airbrushing kit so now I have a mangled red heart on my right lower leg and a red flower on my left leg. The flower came out pretty good. But he used automotive paint so I'm just hoping it will come off sometime in the next few days. And he made me a picture with his airbrush and its beautiful. He also drew me a picture last week. Its of mountains and a tree with a person sitting under the tree. Its very good. I'm waiting for him to write me something on the back...hopefully it will be nice and sweet. We had another talk/arguement yesterday but what he finally said was that he wants us to talk more and get to know each other more. I wrote him a 2 page letter during class...since he had gotten pissy with me in the car on the way...and I asked him if he could try to accept me for who I am. All that I am. My annoyances and laughter and beauty and everything. I accept him for all that he is. And he does annoy me and upset me sometimes but we have a lot of good too.
Marianimal and MiYon are right in their comment to my last post. -- I am so lucky to have such sweet and supportive blog readers! These two strong women are amazing and I will continue to learn and grow through them! -- Swichi is using me. But I am using him too. And even if he wouldn't admit it...he needs me. And I need him. And I am working very hard to keep my heart safe. I'm going to take care of me more...when I'm alone and with other people, not just Swichi.
The fighter jets are blasting over my house again and again. Thats the big downfall of living so close to the airport. So now I can't decide if I want to take a nap/go back to sleep or take a shower and figure out something to do for the day.... I'll let you know! L, E
Friday, August 04, 2006
Too much thinking
We went to class and it was mostly lecture but interesting to me. We finished up WWI and talked about how WWII started and the major countries before and after. I asked a lot of questions and learned a lot. I like history. I'm trying to get my classes for the fall figuered out and I emailed the guy who helped me apply and be accepted but haven't heard back from him so Monday I'm going to have to make an in person attack....:)
Yesterday, Thursday wasn't much. I really spent the whole day thinking and really didn't come up with any decisions or flashes of brilliance. I did manage to get myself sad and upset and frustrated. Went over to Swichi's around 10 and we played Monopoly and he totally kicked my ass. Then we talked a little and I asked/told him that he needs to stop asking me to borrow money and especially just assume I'll loan him money. He owes me $240 right now and I'm not able to pay my bills or buy food or gas since I only have $20 until next Wed. I can't say no to him...and he knows it. I don't think he's taking advantage of me, just he needs help and money...but I just don't have much money myself and I can't support myself and him. Anyway....
Since I didn't get home until 1 last night and didn't go to sleep until 2ish I slept in a little today and then I had a nap. Just been hanging around the house and playing with Laurey. Its really warm in the livingroom. I don't know if my a/c isn't working as well as it should or the house just needs more time to cool off. I didn't turn on the a/c until around noon and it was off all yesterday and last night. Hopefully it will be nice and cool in here when I get back from work tonight.
Some friends of my parents are visiting them at their lake house this weekend and I wish I could go down and see them. My dad met the husband when he was in the army and they have been friends ever sence. So they have known me since I was born. They have 5 boys of their own and are such sweet and wonderful people. I always love spending time with them, they are so supportive and nice and it brings me back to childhood visits with them. They live in NJ, about a hour from NYC and our visits to their house was always filled with NYC adventure and hanging out with their boys. Fun memories....
So I need to get ready for work...uggh. Miss you and love you! L, E
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Good news, bad news, I don't know news
Bad news...more then there should be as always. YummyGuy isn't going back to school this fall, he was offered a fulltime job with the company he spent the summer working at and he accepted, he said he'll finish his schooling online...I hope he does. I miss him. He said I can come and visit him once he gets his "shit settled" but he also said that last June when he first moved and its been about 3 week since I even talked to him online and he hasn't returned my last few phone messages so we'll see if it ever happens. But I love that kid, what can I say?
AND I went into Xmas Trees to check my schedule for next week and the have me on for 20 hours again, and I said when I was hired that I could only work 15-18 hours total. So I talked with the store manager and he fixed my hours so I'm at 16 for this week and 18 for next. Then driving home I realized that I am scheduled to work on Saturday 8/12 and that is Evan and Alison's wedding! I had requested that day off!! Crap. So I'm going to have to go in tomorrow and talk with someone about it. *sigh*
Anyway...it was KILLER hot today. Laurey and I stayed inside in the a/c as much as possible.... The snakes are cold though. I kept the a/c on low and its 80 in my livingroom but in their new cage the heat lamp isn't strong enough so we'll need to get a new one with more watts tomorrow. I have a blanket wrapped around the tank and thats helping a little. But Bojie and Eileen are all curled up together under the stone stairs, so cute. Lola is doing her usual running in her wheel and moving things around her cage.
ZamMan ignored me online again last night. I don't understand him but I guess I'm not suppose to. He never IM's to me first, its always me who says Hi to him. I don't think I'll ever have the friendship/relationship with him that I want. Its too bad...I think he's amazing and he makes me laugh and smile and he totally infuriates me but in a good way that makes me want to hit him and hug him at the same time. So I don't know what will happen. I guess we just won't talk until I say Hi to him again. I'll let you know.... L, E