Tuesday, September 27, 2005


I think today was a better day then yesterday but I'm not 100% sure. Just trying very hard not to be paranoid and feel that I'm being watched, even though I know I am being watched.

Braved killer traffic to get Laurey to my parents house this morning. My condo was being inspected before they do blasting for the bridge construction project. I wasn't taking a full day off from work to sit around and wait to hold my dog down while the inspectors look around. Made it to my parents after work, traffic was insane again. Dad and I walked with Laurey and Tripper but not very far. Dad made very yummy chicken for dinner.

I wore my pink clogs again today, so comfy and cute.

I'm sure I have more to say but I can't think of more so I'll just say G'bye and G'nite. L, E

Monday, September 26, 2005

bad bad bad day

Today was just an overall bad day. Dark rainy weather and I was wide awake at 6:15 this morning. Work was slow. Then work got bad. I'll just say it was bad and leave it at that because it was also embarassing and humiliating and horrible and I just hope its over. I just want to type "bad day" over and over. But it really is my fault. I have had a bad attitude and it came around to bite me in the ass. I do hate my job. Well, not so much as hate my job as hate that I'm not busy and I have to sit around doing nothing. I do hate my coworkers. And I don't like to hate people. They hate me, that was made quite clear today. But I didn't cry. I know you could hear in my voice that I wanted to cry and it was written all over my face, I have 3 people ask me if I was okay. And I am okay.

Okay. Tomorrow will be a better day. Right? L, E

Sunday, September 25, 2005

wkend in No NY

Spent the weekend in Northern New York with my dad visiting my Grandma and Great Aunt in Canton. Also saw my Uncle Dave & Aunt Ann and Uncle Paul and Aunt Kim. All those people in 28 hours...should be a record. Within 2 minutes of being in the car with my dad I remembered exactly why I should never travel with him...he's all nervous and anxious about seeing his family and he becomes a complete prick. I'm useto his critical-ness of me but when he's so hyper critical, its hard to hear. And he has the really annoying this he does with the car radio. Every song that comes on, he turns the music up another notch or two, within an hour the music is so loud that I couldn't even hear myself think at all. On the way back, I was seriously thinking about jumping out the car door on the highway at 65mph.

Spending time with Grandma and Aunt Mil was nice. They are both doing well for being 88 and 95. I wonder if I will ever be that old.

Laurey survived the kennel once again. Her bark was a high squeek, so cute. Poor baby. She is always happy to go there and happy to be picked up. I don't blame here, its always nice to come home and get to sleep in my own bed. L, E

Friday, September 23, 2005

Friday night

I have a stummy ache. I was planning to go out shopping tonight but I really didn't need to buy anything and since it cost $55 to fill the gas tank in my jeep, I just didn't think I should be doing frivilous shopping tonight. Oh well.

Going to G'ma's tomorrow, have to drop Laurey off at the kennel and be to mom & dad's by 9 and then I'll be sleeping the whole way there. Dad will be driving, I think we're taking his Toyota Tacoma truck...such fun. Doing laundry right now so I have some clothes to wear to church on Sunday morning.

So cold, wish I had hugs and kisses. No one is online to IM with me so I guess I'll go back to the sofa and heating pad and then to bed soon. How does that song go? "Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I'll eat some worms...." L, E

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Condo Meeting

Had a condo board meeting tonight. No one showed except the 4 board members so I guess thats was good. The president had quit a couple of days before so I got to "run" the meeting. Didn't leave until 8:30 and since it started at 6 it was longer that I would have liked. I don't even know what all we were discussing. So many things to do and no money to do them with.

Since Laurey is going to the kennel for the weekend when I'm in Canton, NY I had to get medicine picked up for her at the vet. Luckily my co-worker and friend Heather drives right by the vet office on her way home so she's picking it up for me. Had to float a check at the grocery but since tomorrow is payday its all good. Had onion rings and a sandiwch for lunch...so yummy!

Leaves are starting to turn colors and fall to the ground. Wish I had someone to go hiking with and find a nice quiet place to "be alone".... I know just were I'd want to go. Oh well. L, E

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

so smart you have no idea

I am just so smart now. With the excel class I had today I'm just a brainiac! I have the 2nd part of excel on Friday and once that is done I will just be so amazing smart...you have no idea.

Yes...I'm also a little goofy today but I'm also smiley. I like smiling. I like me smiley. I hope you do too.

This weekend my dad and I are going to visit my Grandma and Great Aunt in Canton, NY. I was looking forward to the visit when my dad called me last night and asked me to go with him but tonight my mom told me that we are going because my Grandma has announced she isn't going to Florida for the winter (she has to go to keep her FL residence which she needs to keep) and my Great Aunt Mildred has just moved into an assiated living place and I guess she's bitching nonstop. So I was asked to go to talk with my Grandma and see if I can get her to say why she doesn't want to go to FL this winter and to talk with my Aunt Mil and do what I can to make things better. Should be fun. Actually I don't mind because I would be talking with both of them anyway and having specific things to talk about actually makes it easier. Plus I might get a trip to FL out of it if my Grandma goes and I get to visit her.

Laurey and Tripper (my parents dog) did about 4 miles today, so nice outside even thought the sky was cloudy but the temperature was nice and there was a wind blowing. And I look exceptionally cute in the pretty pink shirt my bestest friend Bethie gave to me. I'm at my parents house right now, its Tuesday so I was here for dinner, and I need to go home and do some laundry, such fun. L, E

Monday, September 19, 2005


So wow...I think I pissed off just about everyone in my work room today and I don't even know how, why or what. But I'll be honest, I'm taking care of myself and while I am kind of sitting back, I'm not rocking the boat and being pushy/bitchy. I think I might need to be a little more assertive and find out exactly what I did wrong but since I don't so much care I just might not. I just keep my smile on my face because thats how I feel and thats how I am.

Wkend was ok...rainy and yucky outside but Laurey and I finally got out and walked on Sunday 3.5 miles, did 4.5 today and it felt good to get my fat ass outside. Sunday was Evan's B'day...he's 31! HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVAN! I know he doesn't read this but I'm saying it anyway.

So smile and be happy because life is good! L, E

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Lazy Sunday

I shouldn't be drinking...ever. Didn't really have very much yesterday but it was enough to make me fall down when I was trying to take off my sandel and then somehow fall off the sofa (and that really hurt!) and even to feel yucky today. Oh well.

Rainy and gray day today, nothing much to do.... Talked on the phone a little and watched some tv/movies. Need to do some stuff for the condo meeting this week, gotta love procrastination!

I think this will be a good week coming up. What do you think? L, E

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Toys R Us

I walked around that huge store for about 45 minutes last night and I still had no idea what to get for Silas and Jada. What do you buy for a 4 years old and 2 year old that you hardly know? Finally picked some things that I thought were cute, hope they like it. Bought a few other things for someone else, lots of good ideas in that store.

Friday was a good day. I was smiley and pretty much happy and that just pissed off my coworkers and that helped too. Had my 1st physical therapy appoitment and that nice lady told me that its not perminate damage to my arm, just the muscle was strained and it should heal so I was happy to hear that. She did the ultrasound and some electric shock thing and then gave me a splint for night and taped my wrist and arm so it would help me keep in in the correct position. The tape really helped, wish she could tape it for me every morning before I go to work.

Was pouring rain when I got out of work. Laurey and I tried to walk but within 5 minutes of being outside we were both soaked so we went back home. The elevator was broken in my building so I harassed the fix-it guy a little...I thought I was being cute and witty but I think I might have just been annoying.

Its Saturday morning and I just pulled the tape off my arm and now my skin hurts. Such is the price I pay. Going to be a rainy weekend...oh well. L, E

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Long one

Today has absolutely been horrid. This whole week had just been bad for me. I have been in such a crap mood and just feeling miserable and had bad luck. Monday my sandle breaks, Tuesday the ink in my NYY pen runs out, Wed I was in a pissy mood and upset one of my friends and today I have a swollen wrist and had to go to the doctor on workmens compensation and now I have tendonitus. Fuck. Since 7 this morning when my alarm went off I have either wanted to cry, been holding back tears or crying. The only 'good' part is that I didn't cry at work today although I could have. I was able to hold back until I got in my jeep to go home. I did leave 45 mins early so maybe it doesn't count.

So I have another permanent injury from my job. And its a job I don't even like. I know...I have to stop that bitch because I'm the only one who can get me a new job and get out of the workplace from hell. I just feel like I'm kicked down so much there. Anyway....

I have 3 friends on my life who I truly care about and would do anything for. I have had people come in andb out of my life at different times but right now I have 3 that I care about so much sometimes it hurts. And I don't want to lose these 3 ever. And now I have hurt one of them. I should have known...I always fuck things up...it just seems to be what I do.

I have no idea how I have stayed friends with Bethie for so long, best friends even. I guess its because when we fight its big and teary and then we get over it with a yummy meal. It works for us, has for a long time so far. I am so lucky to have her for support, advice and a kick in the ass when I need it. And Evan is my best guy friend, I can ask him the "man" questions I have and he's doesn't hold back with me. He also is protective and encouraging and knows me almost too well. And I tell the poor guy _everything_.

And then I have my friend who I insulted. I don't know what to say to him except I am sorry and I hope he forgives me.

I was told last week that I'm a "discustingly" nice person. It wasn't a compliment. But am I as nice as I seem to be. I thnk I am nice. I say I am nice. But I don't really know that I am. I guess you'd have to answer that for me.

When I started blogging I promised myself I wouldn't make it emotional and mushy and all lovey-dovey. I guess this post today kind of breaks that promise but my mind has been racing all day and after crying in my jeep so hard I couldn't see and then walking Laurey for 3.5 miles and crying the whole time and then coming home to an emply house with no messages on my amswering machine again, I just had to type more then my usual day crap. Forgive me. L, E

Wednesday, September 14, 2005


So pissy, grumpy, bitchy today. I don't really know why. I don't think there was a specific reason, I just wasn't my happy, positive self. Oh well. I don't think I really took it out on anyone, hope I didn't. Anyway...hope tomorrow is better. L, E

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

mexican food

That dinner was not good....bad food. I ordered a sampler plate and one of the rolled up things with cheese on it was good, the 2nd was kind of okay, ate about 1/2 of it and #3 was just yuck. My dad had ordered the same and he had the same reactions. TYook 45+ minutes to bring out oour food, how long does it take to slob some mexican food on a plate and then melt cheese all over it? Taco Bell would have been better and a lot faster. Oh well. Keep your fingers crossed for me...my stummy is feeling a tiny bit queezy. L, E

frustration mounts

Ok...so i'm not such a happy camper today. Just crazy frustrated with my job, workplace, boss and coworkers. I guess just more of the usual 'pass all down to Erin since she's the department bitch'. And I'm really sick of being the department bitch. But I guess its my own fault...I'm still working there. Anyway....

This week hasn't been my greatest other then work. Yesterday my favorite sandel broke and today the ink ran out of my New York Yankees pen. Both are replaceable...I'll be returning my broken sandels, hopefully I can get new ones of the same, and I can buy a new ink thing for my pen. Just sucks when it happens, you know.

I so need a vacation....anyone have someplace nice I can come and visit? I have 9 vacation days left for this year. I want to roll over 5 for next year so I have 4 days, 32 hours, to use before 12/31/05.

I'm at my parents house right now since its Tuesday and I come here for dinner most Tuesdays. I guess we are all meeting at soime Mexican place downtown at 7, thats what my brother told me. My mom just called from the airport and he went to pick her up, she must have gotten on an earlier flight back from Munich Germany. I'll be sure to let you know if she brought me back a present.

Have been having strange dreams lately...I don't remember them all so that might be why they are so strange...oh well. Any insights? L, E

Monday, September 12, 2005


So I'm hating my workplace right about now. My boss told me this morning that not only will my phone calls be monitored but my computer will be monitored to see what I'm doing online. I asked for this in writing, so I can keep everything documented and she said that "its not possible". I asked around to the IT people and they said that there is no monitering for internet access but it could happen. So I think its just a threat but I'll go with it. So now I'm only checking yahoo email during lunchtime. I know thats what I should have ben doing all along but it stinks.

Other then that today wasn't all too bad...can't complain too much. Had promo orders to enter, did 7 of 12 pages so I'll have them finished by noonish tomorrow. Then I'll have nothing to do again.

Its freezing in my bedroom right now! My fingers are numb. Its really muggy warm outside, walking with Laurey was not fun and I was all nasty sweaty when we got back. I just turned off the a/c and opening the window because I'm so cold. Will probably be muggy warm in here in about an hour but right now I don't care. I had salad for lunch today and again for dinner, after finishing off the bag of peanuts and I'm already sick of salad which isn't good because I have stuff for at least 3 more. Oh well.

Oh...my new "Support our Troops" yellow rubber bracelett came today and I don't think I like it. Haven't decided. This one has the twisted ribbons between the words on it. My old one didn't and I liked the font the writing was in better. Oh well...I shouldn't have lost it.

I'm shivering cold and my fingers are numb so I'm going to go back to my sofa and cuddle under my blanket. Hope you are having sweet, sexy dreams! L, E

PS- Wkend was nice overall. Perfect weather and I got to hang out with Bethie and her husband Mark for a few hours. And I had 2 surprise phone calls and lots of smiles...:)

Friday, September 09, 2005


I so should not be allowed to have a credit card and internet access. I just was paid today and I have been going crazy online buying things and checking out whatelse I can buy. Having given up all my old bad habbits, including speeding in my car, all I have left is spending money. But too often I overindulge. But its okay...my paycheck was bigger then I expected and I had actually saved quite a bit from my last one, but that was because I have been too lazy to take care of some things I probably should have. But anyway...money. Money is good. Kind of worried what it will be like when I fill up the gas tank on my jeep this weekend but since I'm only down a little over 1/2 it shouldn't be too bad.

Didn't write last night, just didn't know what to say. It happens, yes I can be quiet! Plus I was only only for about a total of 10 minutes, no one on my IM to talk with me. Laurey and I walked 4.5 or so miles in the rain. Luckily it didn't start really pouring until the last 1/4 mile so while we were both wet, we weren't too soaked. Ordered pizza with pepperoni and mushrooms for dinner...yummy, but then I ate too much and my stummy was hurting. Would have rather had that really yummy salad at this place near my best friends house in CT. Have been drooling wanting that salad for awhile now.

No big weekend plans. Going to hang out with some friends. Trying to talk my dad into going to a movie. Should clean my house and jeep some, have to wait and see what gets done. So email me, write me, IM me, call me, let me know you are alive. L, E

PS- Next Saturday I'm going to my friend's little girls 2nd birthday party so I get to go present shopping this weekend for her and her bother!!

Thursday, September 08, 2005


Just as an FYI...SSDD is Same Shit Different Day. L, E

Wednesday, September 07, 2005


Today was the same as usual. I was back to just doing my one job at work and that was nice, felt like I was able to handle things fully and thats good. I even got to run over to the corportae HQ for my major client and they gave me free ice cream...such nice ppl. So I had ice cream to share with my group at work. Had to let a few of my favorites around the company know so they could get some too.

Laurey and I walked about 4.5 miles and it felt good. Its hard to keep up with my walking because I truely get bored walking. 4.5 miles takes about an hour and its quite dull walking around this big circle over and over, day after day. I know that once the time change happens I'll have to be driving up to St Michael's College and walking there and thats a little different, but there I have to walk around in circles too to get enough distance. I feel strange about complaining that I'm bored walking. I guess I could pick another "sport" to do for my daily exercise but walking is the only one I have found that is free that works for me and Laurey. I guess not totally free since I need new sneakers and hiking boots.

This will be a payday weekend...woohoo! So I'm going to go and see if I can find any good deals for the things I don't NEED so much as really want. While I don't NEED new sneakers and hiking boots, I do have a pair of each and I can wear them, they just have holes in them and no tred, I'd really like new pairs of each. Sometimes its very hard to tell between a want and need. Sometimes you make a want into a need too. So maybe I'll be telling you all about my new shoes this weekend...don't you just want to know every detail?!

Got a paper cut on both my pinkey fingers today...:( L, E

Help the Animals!

I know my blog is small and I really only have 2 people reading it, but maybe someone else will stumble on it and be able to make a donation. Please help if you can. L, E

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Monday and today

Yesterday, Monday, Labor Day I did no labor. Pretty much just chilled at home. Met up with Evan and Alison and Duke at the dogpark with Laurey for about 45 minutes, that was fun. Laurey likes to run into the far corner and eat grass and not come when I call her so I have to hike over to get her. Stopped by to visit my friend Rachel on the way back home. Sat for a few minutes at her grave. I never know what to say. I just told her that I missed her and I still have her voice in my head, encouraging and supporting. Went back home and took a nap on my sofa.

Today I so didn't want to get up and go back to work. Even though I get up at 7 every morning, when I know I have to go to work it just hurts. Tried on 6 shirts before deciding on my pink striped one with a collar and my jean skirt that is too big. Work wasn't too bad, solved all the problems and did my usual amazing customer service. came to my parents house for dinner, dad made spanish rice, very yummy. Walked with Dad, Mom, Tripper and Laurey, not nearly as far as I would have on my own but it was nice to have company.

Thats about it....just the usual SSDD. L, E

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Sunday night at the fair

Went to the fair again with my friends Evan and Alison , meeting up with their friends George and Elaine and 6 month old Conner (so cute!) and Bill. We walked around and had some yummy foods and I spent way too much money. Even bought me some new clogs. Evan, Alison and I played this game where you rolled the golfball into the holes to make your horse move across the board. Alison wanted a stuffed cat so we spend about $35 to get it for her. Conner is so adorable! So sweet and cute, didn't cry at all. They let me carry him around for a little while...so sweet. I like hanging out with Evan and Alison. They are great people and very nice to me. I'm lucky to have such amazing friends.

So off to bed...cuddled up all alone with my teddy bear. L, E

Saturday, September 03, 2005

possible to really do nothing?

Is it possible to really do nothing all day? If it is, that I what I did today. Today is Saturday, September 3, 2005. So I woke up just before my alarm at 6:55 and then went and wathced tv and dozed off and on until around noon when I finally got up from the sofa and took a shower and got more or less dressed. All morning my dog was driving me nuts! She kept sitting in front of me so I couldn't see the TV and would just stare at me with her mouth open. She wasn't panting, just being really annoying. And she knew she was being annoying...thats the worst part.

So after my shower I pretty much just went back to the sofa and tv and dozing. My friend Evan called but we just talked about if it was really going to rain or not. Finally, at 3:45 I leashed up Laurey and we took off for 4.5 miles. Lazy ass dog kept pulling me under trees so she could stop and rest. Got back and had my ass on the sofa again. Checked my IM list online a few times but no one was there to talk with so I sent a few emails. I even called a few friends to see if anyone wanted to go to a movie or something with me but everyone was busy or not home. Watched "The Fast and the Furious"...I so need to get a pimped out car like they have.

So I should go to bed at some point. Wish I had money so I could go shopping. I have so many ideas of surprises and things I'd like to do..just can't w/o $$. Maybe I'll count all the change in my Tigger bank today...that would keep me busy for awile. Any other ideas? L, E

Friday, September 02, 2005

Positive attitude

For some crazy unknown reason for the past two days I have been all smiley and positive and just relaxed. No idea why or what exactly changed but my positive-ness is back and blooming all over the place. Don't get me wrong, I like the positive in me, just it hasn't been coming out so much lately. Was actually having a paranoid streak and I didn't like that at all. Maybe its because I am feeling confident in my job again or maybe its because my friends are so supportive and make me smile. Or maybe its because I have been blogging and that making me think more about my day and let it go by writing about it. I don't know exactly why but to be honest I don't so much care...I just like it. I like me a lot more postive and smiling and I hope you all do too.

So the week from Hell is over! Woohoo! Just 1 more day of covering and then I am back to my own job and being able to do my work to my satisfaction, not just doing the basics so I can keep up with everything. Have 2 sets of spreadsheet orders to enter next week...will keep me busy but thats just fine with me.

Dragged Laurey for 4.5 miles tonight on our walk. Had to stop for 1 "panting w/o walking" break for her. Felt so nice to be outside in the air and trees and nature. I really need to buy new sneakers and hiking boots. My sneakers have no tred left on them at all and my boots have a gaping hole in the left one. Was kind of hoping to make it until Christmas/B'Day for new boots but I don't think that can happen since I'm pretty sure it will snow before then. Have to wait for a couple of paychecks though since I have some other thing sI am saving up for. Don't you just love it when you have a friend who likes surprises...:) L, E

Thursday, September 01, 2005

wow and thanks

Wow! I was so grumpy last night. I can't say I was never that grumpy before because I'm sure I have been, but that was as grumpy as I can get. I was mean grumpy too. Ouch. Thank you thank you to Shawn for putting up with me and trying so hard to make me smile, which you finally did...I was impressed. But then you are quite impressive. Drugged myself to sleep and had a little hang-over in the morning but nothing an advil and Mt Dew didn't cure.

Today was just chill at work...can't describe it with any other word. I don't so much feel like I'm waiting for 'the other shoe' to drop and that helps. I feel more that I know what I am doing or maybe its that I have accepted that I while I don't know exactly what I am doing, I can fake it well enough the others don't know. As long as I am my superstar, #1, bestest customer service agent selfI can be then its all good.

Laurey and I did 3.5 miles tonight in about 35 minutes...pretty good time. Felt good to stretch my legs and move my ass. No big plans for the long weekend. I wanted to go to visit my Grandma in Canton, NY but with gas prices well over $3 I'm not going very far. Oh well. Have a nice night everyone, I'm crawling into my bed now to read my book and then drift off to sleep. L, E

PS- Happy September! Woohoo!

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