Monday, January 16, 2006
last week, wkend
I can't decided what kind of mood I have been in for the past week or so. I know its not a black/dark mood but saying I have been sad or unhappy isn't right either. I just haven't been in a good place the past 2 weeks and with that I have so much stress and anxiety and thoughts and it just keeps getting worse and going around and around.
Saturday Laurey and I went to the vet.... She has a cyst in her foot (I already knew that) but its quite large so she's on antibiotics for 3 weeks and those should also take care of the infection. Laurey just loves the vet and she had fun rolling around and playing. She even got to go in the back room for her blood draw (they are doing a full blood panel to see how she is doing overall) and she got to sniff at the cat that was sitting back there. The vet would also like to take x-rays of her shoulders to check on her arthritus but I can't afford that right now. I really hate it when I have to say "no" to the vet because I want Laurey to have everything she needs done. She's such a tough dog and I don't want her to be in pain. I bought her a new 'cone' or e-collar since her old one is wrecked and the vet said she has been chewing on her foot with the cyst but I haven't seen her do it so I haven't been putting the cone on her.
Sunday (yesterday) I did nothing all day...just dozed on the sofa. I took a shower around 1 and didn't even really get dressed, just put on a shirt and shorts (mind you it was about 5 degrees outside and bitterly cold wind!) and then went back to my sofa. At 4 Laurey started realy bugging me to take her out and I was asking myself "It was just 1, where did the time go?" and then I was like "whatever, it doesn't matter." It took me 30 minutes to get up, put on pants, my Ugg boots and hat, gloves and jacket. It was killer cold outside with a brutal wind! We were only outside for about 30 seconds before Laurey started limping with her little back paw held up to her body. So we kind of jogged over to the dumpster so I could put the dogshit bag (thank you thank you to Bethie for restocking my bag supply when I visited her a few weeks ago!) in and then went inside...and back to my sofa. I did go out to get food around 5:45 even though I wasn't hungry but I hadn't eaten since I had cereal in the morning so I had some dinner but not too much. I watched Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith to try to cheer myself up and while it did give me a nice warm feeling (Hayden Christensen = Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader) is so beautiful) but it didn't calm me like I hoped it would. I turned off my light around 10:30 but cried for awile before I fell asleep. Woke up at 4:00ish and was wide awake so I woke up Laurey and let her outside and then lay on my back for awile trying to fall asleep again. When my alarm went off at 6 I really didn't want to get up but I did and even made it into work exactly on time.
I just don't want to keep feeling this way. I realized that this morning when all I wanted to do was crawl under my desk and cry. So I need to kick my own ass and get up and going. Just so hard too with the stresses on my job...this is our killer busy time and more then 1/2 the company will be in Las Vegas for 2 weeks starting the end of this week and all the customer service will be on me and its just a lot of pressure. I know I will be fine and be able to handle it all. Just have to see what will happen and take it on as it comes.
My phone hasn't been ringing at all lately. Sometimes I feel that I am always the one to call my friends. I miss my weekend talks with Shawn. I do like the winter and snow but the brutal wind and cold are just too much and I want to hybernate on my sofa under a blanket.
This whole post sounds unhappy and jaded but I don't want you to think that I am. Maybe its just a hormone drop or the weather/winter is just effecting me more then I can deal with...I don't know. But I am okay. L, E
Saturday Laurey and I went to the vet.... She has a cyst in her foot (I already knew that) but its quite large so she's on antibiotics for 3 weeks and those should also take care of the infection. Laurey just loves the vet and she had fun rolling around and playing. She even got to go in the back room for her blood draw (they are doing a full blood panel to see how she is doing overall) and she got to sniff at the cat that was sitting back there. The vet would also like to take x-rays of her shoulders to check on her arthritus but I can't afford that right now. I really hate it when I have to say "no" to the vet because I want Laurey to have everything she needs done. She's such a tough dog and I don't want her to be in pain. I bought her a new 'cone' or e-collar since her old one is wrecked and the vet said she has been chewing on her foot with the cyst but I haven't seen her do it so I haven't been putting the cone on her.
Sunday (yesterday) I did nothing all day...just dozed on the sofa. I took a shower around 1 and didn't even really get dressed, just put on a shirt and shorts (mind you it was about 5 degrees outside and bitterly cold wind!) and then went back to my sofa. At 4 Laurey started realy bugging me to take her out and I was asking myself "It was just 1, where did the time go?" and then I was like "whatever, it doesn't matter." It took me 30 minutes to get up, put on pants, my Ugg boots and hat, gloves and jacket. It was killer cold outside with a brutal wind! We were only outside for about 30 seconds before Laurey started limping with her little back paw held up to her body. So we kind of jogged over to the dumpster so I could put the dogshit bag (thank you thank you to Bethie for restocking my bag supply when I visited her a few weeks ago!) in and then went inside...and back to my sofa. I did go out to get food around 5:45 even though I wasn't hungry but I hadn't eaten since I had cereal in the morning so I had some dinner but not too much. I watched Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith to try to cheer myself up and while it did give me a nice warm feeling (Hayden Christensen = Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader) is so beautiful) but it didn't calm me like I hoped it would. I turned off my light around 10:30 but cried for awile before I fell asleep. Woke up at 4:00ish and was wide awake so I woke up Laurey and let her outside and then lay on my back for awile trying to fall asleep again. When my alarm went off at 6 I really didn't want to get up but I did and even made it into work exactly on time.
I just don't want to keep feeling this way. I realized that this morning when all I wanted to do was crawl under my desk and cry. So I need to kick my own ass and get up and going. Just so hard too with the stresses on my job...this is our killer busy time and more then 1/2 the company will be in Las Vegas for 2 weeks starting the end of this week and all the customer service will be on me and its just a lot of pressure. I know I will be fine and be able to handle it all. Just have to see what will happen and take it on as it comes.
My phone hasn't been ringing at all lately. Sometimes I feel that I am always the one to call my friends. I miss my weekend talks with Shawn. I do like the winter and snow but the brutal wind and cold are just too much and I want to hybernate on my sofa under a blanket.
This whole post sounds unhappy and jaded but I don't want you to think that I am. Maybe its just a hormone drop or the weather/winter is just effecting me more then I can deal with...I don't know. But I am okay. L, E
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Its the weather and genetics. It happens to me too, but then I think of my mother, and I know I would be like that if I gave into my instincts. People who don't get 'blue' don't understand what its like - I think its like that nothingness in that movie "The Neverending Story". (What a good analogy.) Its kind of a desire for someone to make everything alright. Unfortunately for me, everyone else thinks I'm the one that should make things alright for them! :( (My mother had the nerve to ask why I hadn't done her hospital paperwork today - when I'm the one with the 75 hour work week, and she's the one that doesn't do anything all day!) *sigh* I think we just need to move someplace where its sunnier year round.
# posted by 
: 8:01 PM
: 8:01 PM
I think it has something to do with the cold and snow. Yeah I look outside and I think BLAAA. I need to get out of the country.
I need to recreate one of those commercials where everyone is on the beach. I have a feeling that your thinking the same thing.
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I need to recreate one of those commercials where everyone is on the beach. I have a feeling that your thinking the same thing.
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