Monday, February 20, 2006
The word I hate the most
Well...this might be kind of a bitter post but its happening anyway!
The word that I hate the very most is "busy". Thats because when someone says it to me (as in I was just so busy, I was too busy, Just keeping busy) it means I am too busy for you Erin. It means that they can't find 30 seconds to send me email saying "Hi, I'm alive and don't hate you". They can't find 2 minutes to call me and say "Hi, I'm alive!" But I'm sure they find time to eat and sleep and at least check their emails...maybe even email to other people. But they are busy...too busy for me.
And in case you are wondering if I am specking about 1 specific person, I am not. Some of you might even think you know who I might be talking about...but you probably aren't correct since its not just 1 person I am hurt by, its many. I cried this weekend, more then I have in a long time. But it wasn't easy tears, just made me hurt more since I couldn't cry as I should have and wanted to and that hurt even more. Maybe I'm just being self distructive and over sensitive and paranoid. I can be all those things. My brain won't slow down, just going on and on. I feel I was lied to and I feel that I don't have the support I need. I don't have anyone to hug me and I need to be hugged. *sigh*
Yeah, this is a bitter post. And when I started blogging I promised myself it wouldn't be all emotions and crazyness but today's post is.
My weekend.... Saturday I spend it on my sofa watching TV and movies. Laurey and I had a fight but instead of ignoring me she just kept on annoying me. My phone rang once. I did my picking up and cleaning since I didn't have anything else to do and Laurey followed me around with her favorite toy in her mouth.
Sunday I sat on my sofa all morning and most of the afternoon. I called Evan around 3 and he told me to "bundle up and take Laurey out" and I listened to him and I am so glad I did. Laurey and I walked 2.25 miles and it felt so good even though we were walking into the freezing wind all the way home. Laurey didn't like that and kept turning away so I took off my neck warmer and put it on her neck and covered her ears and then she was much happier except then I was really cold! We made it home and once I had warmed up again I went to the grocery and bought actual food and then came home and made dinner. Laurey and I has sausage and pasta and it was okay, I wasn't hungry but I hadn't had anything other the cheerios for breakfast for the past 2 days so I needed eat something.
Today is Monday. I turned on the 'word verify' thingie for comments on here because I had a bunch of spam ones left. My tax refund has hit my checking account so I'm going to helpfully get my dad to help me with ordering a new computer tonight or tomorrow night and then I can pay some bills with the extra. Thats about it. I want to cry. I want to be at home with my head covered with my blanket. *sigh* But I'm going to walk Laurey again tonight and eat some dinner.... I hope everyone had a better weekend then me. And please...yes this post is bitter but I feel a lot better after typing it and while I don't feel 100% okay right now I am okay. L, E
The word that I hate the very most is "busy". Thats because when someone says it to me (as in I was just so busy, I was too busy, Just keeping busy) it means I am too busy for you Erin. It means that they can't find 30 seconds to send me email saying "Hi, I'm alive and don't hate you". They can't find 2 minutes to call me and say "Hi, I'm alive!" But I'm sure they find time to eat and sleep and at least check their emails...maybe even email to other people. But they are busy...too busy for me.
And in case you are wondering if I am specking about 1 specific person, I am not. Some of you might even think you know who I might be talking about...but you probably aren't correct since its not just 1 person I am hurt by, its many. I cried this weekend, more then I have in a long time. But it wasn't easy tears, just made me hurt more since I couldn't cry as I should have and wanted to and that hurt even more. Maybe I'm just being self distructive and over sensitive and paranoid. I can be all those things. My brain won't slow down, just going on and on. I feel I was lied to and I feel that I don't have the support I need. I don't have anyone to hug me and I need to be hugged. *sigh*
Yeah, this is a bitter post. And when I started blogging I promised myself it wouldn't be all emotions and crazyness but today's post is.
My weekend.... Saturday I spend it on my sofa watching TV and movies. Laurey and I had a fight but instead of ignoring me she just kept on annoying me. My phone rang once. I did my picking up and cleaning since I didn't have anything else to do and Laurey followed me around with her favorite toy in her mouth.
Sunday I sat on my sofa all morning and most of the afternoon. I called Evan around 3 and he told me to "bundle up and take Laurey out" and I listened to him and I am so glad I did. Laurey and I walked 2.25 miles and it felt so good even though we were walking into the freezing wind all the way home. Laurey didn't like that and kept turning away so I took off my neck warmer and put it on her neck and covered her ears and then she was much happier except then I was really cold! We made it home and once I had warmed up again I went to the grocery and bought actual food and then came home and made dinner. Laurey and I has sausage and pasta and it was okay, I wasn't hungry but I hadn't had anything other the cheerios for breakfast for the past 2 days so I needed eat something.
Today is Monday. I turned on the 'word verify' thingie for comments on here because I had a bunch of spam ones left. My tax refund has hit my checking account so I'm going to helpfully get my dad to help me with ordering a new computer tonight or tomorrow night and then I can pay some bills with the extra. Thats about it. I want to cry. I want to be at home with my head covered with my blanket. *sigh* But I'm going to walk Laurey again tonight and eat some dinner.... I hope everyone had a better weekend then me. And please...yes this post is bitter but I feel a lot better after typing it and while I don't feel 100% okay right now I am okay. L, E
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It's okay E! Sometimes you need to vent. I use blogger not only to vent, but to sort out my thoughts. (Case & Point: today's post....)
Never be sorry about who you are.
Never be sorry about who you are.
Uneventful weekend - Took our first USCG captain's test on Saturday and I did best out of the 4 of us, with the least amount of studying. YAY brain! (Thats how it always happens anyway.) They focused on clouds, and I focused on tides and currents. Dumb boys. Sunday sat around til around 7 or so and then went over Marks sisters house, ordered chinese food, and watched the olympics. Stayed too late (until a little after 12,) so didn't get to sleep til 1:30 or so. I took yesterday off, and Mark had the day off because the stock markets are closed, and we went into the city. I took him to see the Darwin exhibit at the Museum of Natural History, and took in the IMAX about the Galapagos. It was alot bigger than I expected, and all the walking hurt my back. It was late and then we took the subway down to Pomme Frites and we're lucky we went when we did, because they're closing for a month for renovations in a few days. I loves you Er, you've got mail.
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