Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Wed
I didn't do too much today except cough and sleep. I know I should have done more but I just so exhausted. I was asleep by 9:30 and didn't wake up until my alarm went off at 8 but still I was tired. Laurey had even let me sleep until 8 which was nice of her. The sunshine makes my bedroom beautiful and bright as soon as the sun comes up but after sleeping in there for 3+ years it doesn't wake me up anymore, and my sleep mask helps too. Laurey on the other hand can sometimes be awake with the sun...depends on her mood I guess. Some mornings she'll sleep until noon and some mornings she'll want to go outside at 6, never know with her. She was so beautiful today on our walk, prancing in the sun...I just love her.
I'm feeling sad today too. The emails have pretty much stopped and Bethie hasn't called me since Monday. I know everyone is busy and probably ashamed to talk to me since I'm the loser who was fired but I am lonely...I wish I had friends. The one 'friend' I had that I thought might be more hasn't talked to me in a week, I guess he couldn't deal with my being fired and crying. And another man that I had a mutual interets with has rejected me too, but I think thats more due to his insecurities then mine. So its me and Laurey.
I went to the grocery tonight and used my food stamps card for the first time. I felt wrong using it, there are so many more people who need help then me. I come from a good family, I wish they would support me so I didn't have to "live off the state" but I did work before and pay my taxes and now I am getting that tax money back. I'm not getting unemployment this week, something is pending with my claim so I need to call on that tomorrow and see what is going on. I don't really know how it works when you are fired, if you get paid from unemployment. I think they have to judge if it my fault I was fired. I sure don't feel it was my fault I was fired since I didn't know I wasn't doing a good job and had no idea my job was in jeopardy. So hopefully I can start getting paid soon since I really need the money.
Anyway....its 8 and I'm exhausted sleepy so I think I'll finish this and get off to bed soon. I hope my cough goes away soon.... And I miss you, do you miss me? L, E
I'm feeling sad today too. The emails have pretty much stopped and Bethie hasn't called me since Monday. I know everyone is busy and probably ashamed to talk to me since I'm the loser who was fired but I am lonely...I wish I had friends. The one 'friend' I had that I thought might be more hasn't talked to me in a week, I guess he couldn't deal with my being fired and crying. And another man that I had a mutual interets with has rejected me too, but I think thats more due to his insecurities then mine. So its me and Laurey.
I went to the grocery tonight and used my food stamps card for the first time. I felt wrong using it, there are so many more people who need help then me. I come from a good family, I wish they would support me so I didn't have to "live off the state" but I did work before and pay my taxes and now I am getting that tax money back. I'm not getting unemployment this week, something is pending with my claim so I need to call on that tomorrow and see what is going on. I don't really know how it works when you are fired, if you get paid from unemployment. I think they have to judge if it my fault I was fired. I sure don't feel it was my fault I was fired since I didn't know I wasn't doing a good job and had no idea my job was in jeopardy. So hopefully I can start getting paid soon since I really need the money.
Anyway....its 8 and I'm exhausted sleepy so I think I'll finish this and get off to bed soon. I hope my cough goes away soon.... And I miss you, do you miss me? L, E
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Sorry baby - since my nemesis got himself in that ski accident, I'm doing his job and mine. That non-qualified executive plan for the client goes live this week, and apparently I'm the only one at the firm that understands it, so its me thats running the big show.
It kinda sucks, because everything I predicted would happen (read "go wrong",) if this guy didn't listen to me has gone wrong. What is so sucky about that is that everyone else is dealing with the fallout, and I'm having to pick the pieces up and lead the team down the wrong path (because its too late to turn back now.) Because he doesn't have to feel the consequences of his actions, things will be just hunky dorey for him. That just really pisses me off.
I have said to management, though, that alot of this is the result of him not concentrating on the job he has, but on the next one he wants down the line. Its good to keep your eye on the prize, but not at the expense of what you're doing. If you can't do your current role well, what the hell makes you think they'll want you at the big game?
OK, sorry for venting - I was pulled out of meetings, had 6(!!!) managers of managers at my desk at one time today, and one of them picked on me for having nail polish at my desk. I actually was pissed enough to say that if I didn't work 70 hours a week, I could paint my nails at home. If they don't want me doing it there, I'll just work a straight 8:30 to 5 day so I can paint my nails on my own time. They didn't say much after that, besides "Who agreed to let you off this team?" At least that made me feel good. I'm hoping for a reward for being Captain Hero saving their ass today. XOXOXO I'll call later tomorrow (after 5) cos I'm in class all day.
It kinda sucks, because everything I predicted would happen (read "go wrong",) if this guy didn't listen to me has gone wrong. What is so sucky about that is that everyone else is dealing with the fallout, and I'm having to pick the pieces up and lead the team down the wrong path (because its too late to turn back now.) Because he doesn't have to feel the consequences of his actions, things will be just hunky dorey for him. That just really pisses me off.
I have said to management, though, that alot of this is the result of him not concentrating on the job he has, but on the next one he wants down the line. Its good to keep your eye on the prize, but not at the expense of what you're doing. If you can't do your current role well, what the hell makes you think they'll want you at the big game?
OK, sorry for venting - I was pulled out of meetings, had 6(!!!) managers of managers at my desk at one time today, and one of them picked on me for having nail polish at my desk. I actually was pissed enough to say that if I didn't work 70 hours a week, I could paint my nails at home. If they don't want me doing it there, I'll just work a straight 8:30 to 5 day so I can paint my nails on my own time. They didn't say much after that, besides "Who agreed to let you off this team?" At least that made me feel good. I'm hoping for a reward for being Captain Hero saving their ass today. XOXOXO I'll call later tomorrow (after 5) cos I'm in class all day.
# posted by 
: 10:13 PM
: 10:13 PM
Wow! That was a hell of a come-back by Bethie. Good one about the nail polish!!!
Okay, Missy Erin, jump out of that slump and get walkin with that sweet dog of yours. Breathe in the fresh air, look around at the fluffy white clouds in the blue sky and admire the beauty of our world.
And don't feel bad about using your food stamps card. You paid into that for years, so now you are making a small withdrawal. It's not like you are sitting idol at home for years creating one excuse after another for not finding a job and spitting out babies every ten to twelve months by a different man each time.
It's just you, the responsible blond haired green eyed girl, with a jeep and a dog, and a really good heart.
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Okay, Missy Erin, jump out of that slump and get walkin with that sweet dog of yours. Breathe in the fresh air, look around at the fluffy white clouds in the blue sky and admire the beauty of our world.
And don't feel bad about using your food stamps card. You paid into that for years, so now you are making a small withdrawal. It's not like you are sitting idol at home for years creating one excuse after another for not finding a job and spitting out babies every ten to twelve months by a different man each time.
It's just you, the responsible blond haired green eyed girl, with a jeep and a dog, and a really good heart.
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