Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Its been awile. I have reasons.
I'm working now at the Christmas Tree Sh ops and its okay. I like being out of my house more and everyone there is really nice. But it kills my feets, knees and legs, all the standing and walking. Sunday I was crying when I was driving home I hurt so much. But I'm okay now.
School is good too. My history class is finishing up and I start my next one, part II, next week after the 4th holiday. Business Law is really hard...scares me since I am majoring in paralegal studies.
Ok.... I've been really unhappy. I feel that my heart is gone. Not broken, since it hasn't been whole in a long time but just gone. I am a giver. I am such a giver. I give all that I have and all that I am and its taken. Taken away with maybe a "thx" and thats it. I just don't understand. Why am I not good enough to do more then just talk on IM?!?!
I met a wonderful man...and he said that he could only talk with me on IM. There are reasons and I have to respect them but it still hurts. And another "friend" we went to a movie and hung out together and I had fun, I thought he did too. And I couldn't understand why he wouldn't make plans again. So I asked him...point blank "Do you want us to be friends outside of IM? Yes or no" I said yes or no because he is always 'maybe' and I fucking hate that! He said "more towards no" and then said some crap about being busy and he couldn't 'pencil' me in. Ouch. I cried. And there is another...we have been talking on IM for months and even though I can't figure him out, can't tell if he likes me as anything, I have asked if he ever wanted to meet and he said "I was wondering the same thing myself". He is also the man who complained that he never had phone calls so I said I'd call him, then he said "nah". Right out in the open he says that he is looking to meet people, that he is lonely....ME! I AM HERE! MEET ME! But no.... And another, he ignored me for 2+ weeks and now is talking to me like nothing happend, said he just "didn't have anything to say" to me. And I open my arms (heart?!) to him again. Kills me but I do it.
I am me, just me. My heart is open. I give, whay can't someone give to me? Why can't someone love me for me? L, E
I'm working now at the Christmas Tree Sh ops and its okay. I like being out of my house more and everyone there is really nice. But it kills my feets, knees and legs, all the standing and walking. Sunday I was crying when I was driving home I hurt so much. But I'm okay now.
School is good too. My history class is finishing up and I start my next one, part II, next week after the 4th holiday. Business Law is really hard...scares me since I am majoring in paralegal studies.
Ok.... I've been really unhappy. I feel that my heart is gone. Not broken, since it hasn't been whole in a long time but just gone. I am a giver. I am such a giver. I give all that I have and all that I am and its taken. Taken away with maybe a "thx" and thats it. I just don't understand. Why am I not good enough to do more then just talk on IM?!?!
I met a wonderful man...and he said that he could only talk with me on IM. There are reasons and I have to respect them but it still hurts. And another "friend" we went to a movie and hung out together and I had fun, I thought he did too. And I couldn't understand why he wouldn't make plans again. So I asked him...point blank "Do you want us to be friends outside of IM? Yes or no" I said yes or no because he is always 'maybe' and I fucking hate that! He said "more towards no" and then said some crap about being busy and he couldn't 'pencil' me in. Ouch. I cried. And there is another...we have been talking on IM for months and even though I can't figure him out, can't tell if he likes me as anything, I have asked if he ever wanted to meet and he said "I was wondering the same thing myself". He is also the man who complained that he never had phone calls so I said I'd call him, then he said "nah". Right out in the open he says that he is looking to meet people, that he is lonely....ME! I AM HERE! MEET ME! But no.... And another, he ignored me for 2+ weeks and now is talking to me like nothing happend, said he just "didn't have anything to say" to me. And I open my arms (heart?!) to him again. Kills me but I do it.
I am me, just me. My heart is open. I give, whay can't someone give to me? Why can't someone love me for me? L, E
Comments:
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I have asked you out several times, you said yes, but, could never seem to set a date. So, I just gave up. I got the impression that IM is all I was to you. Friends can be confusing.
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: 11:04 PM
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